You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm like, not good at living.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
