im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
