so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
