my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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