i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
