You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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