Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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