you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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