He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
