hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
