Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
