The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
