Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
