sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
