i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
