Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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