i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
