State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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