Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
