WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
