I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
