are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
