theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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