I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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