I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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