I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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