i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
