How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
