my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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