Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
