I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
