I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
