i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
