I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
