i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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