haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
