Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
