Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
