An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
