smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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