I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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