theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
