Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
