I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
