We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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