The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
