I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
