It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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