I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
