There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
