You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize