You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
