Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
