she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
